I haven’t felt much like posting these last few days. I also haven’t had time to do it. Excuses abound.
The husband and I got into a fight over the weekend because I keep dreaming up and talking about wanting a bigger house. He is all upset because we have a pretty sweet deal right now, and he just can’t figure out why I’m not satisfied with it. The thing is, I am satisfied with it… I just don’t see myself being satisfied with it forever, and I enjoy dreaming up what our next steps will be. That is, to The Husband, the same thing as being dissatisfied right now. And long term, saving money and retiring early is far more important to him than the little things that I consider major quality-of-life improvements.
I want a pet. He is only open to getting a dog. We can’t have dogs in our building. He says that even if we got a house we both work and he can’t imagine getting a dog if someone isn’t home with it.
I want a garden and outdoor space to grill and sit outside. He thinks we won’t use it enough to be worthwhile, that grilling 4 or 5 times a year isn’t enough reason to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a house.
I want our friends and family to be able to stay with us eventually. We don’t have a lot of candidates right now, but a pull out sofa in our tiny living room isn’t what I want to offer people when we’re 35 years old. He says we don’t get enough visitors to need more space, and we could rent any visitors we do have a hotel or airbnb with the money we’re saving not having a house.
I want space to lay out my crafts and projects, many of which I can’t do at our current place. He says that people think they’ll do all sorts of things “just as soon as X happens,” but they never do. And that I can pick something and try it out. And that if we got a bigger house and I crafted 5 hours a week we’d essentially end up paying $75 p/h for the crafting space and if someone were to offer me a studio at that price would I consider it?
The Husband says kids are the only compelling reason for him that we might ever need a bigger house. I think that’s a very good reason, but I just don’t see it as the only one. Anywway, he got so very upset about all of this. So did I – it’s really hard to hear over and over again that the things you value aren’t worthwhile to the person you’ve built your life with. There was a lot of crying and sadness.
I can’t seem to convince The Husband that I don’t want “more” because I’m unhappy. I am very happy. Our life is blessed and wonderful, I am dearly loved. Our home is ideal for us right now. We are truly blessed to be where we are. I just don’t see “right now” as “forever”!!! And I don’t think it’s wrong or a symptom of dissatisfaction to look towards the future and see myself in a bigger house with a bit of outdoor space and a happy old dog. Even if we don’t have kids. It’s not like that desire is any different from what I’ve always desired before.
Finally I told him that I wouldn’t want kids if I wasn’t happy. And that is the truth.
Apparently he didn’t realize that.
Ironically, since our big major fight over all of this, I haven’t felt any desire for kids at all.